The boss wants to see you…

This is very simple. Walk up to your co-worker, and with a very serious look, tell him that the boss wants to see him. If he asks why, just say… I don’t know, but he was in a pretty bad mood. When he walks in, his boss will probably look at him like he is a bit daft – hilarious prank if you can play it out right!

Mystery string…

Have some high shelves in your office? Well, fill a paper cup with paper shreds, paper clips, or confetti and tape a piece of string to the top rim of the cup. Then, put it up on top of a shelf, back from view. Let the string dangle down. It will really rouse curiosity in most people, and they will see little harm in tugging a string hanging down from a shelf!

Page your co-workers…

If your office has a paging system, try paging your co-workers to do funny stuff. Here are a few examples…

- John, will you come to the management office please.
- John, you left some personal items in the women’s restroom, will you come get them at management?
- If anyone would like to go home early, please call management. Hurry, it is first come first serve!
- We would like to invite everyone to the conference room for free doughnuts!  So take your 15 minute break now.
- We are pleased to announce that the spring bonus checks are in! Please pick yours up by asking for it in management.

These are just a few of the things that you could say over your offices intercom system.

Weight loss plan.

A man was watching TV one day when he saw an ad for a weight loss plan. The company looked pretty reputable, so he decided that he would try one out. Not wanting to outdo himself, he ordered the 5 day, ten pound plan. It sounded like a good idea, and besides, he had wanted to lose a few pounds now for awhile.

Well, the next morning, there was a knock at his door. When he answered it, he found a beautiful young woman standing at his door, wearing nothing but white tennis shoes and a sign that said “weight loss plan” hung around her neck. She explained that she was a representative from the weight loss company, and that if he could catch her, he could keep her. Well, needless to say, he dashed after her, chasing her all over town. By the time he decided to give up (she was much faster than him), he was gasping for air and out of breath. Perplexed, he headed home and went to bed. This continued for four more days, and believe it or not, when he stepped on the scale after the fifth day, he had lost ten pounds. He was so impressed, that he got right on the phone and ordered the 6 day, 20 pound weight loss plan.

The next morning, he again woke up to a knock at his door. This time, he was greeted by the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and the only thing she was wearing were white tennis shoes, and a sign around her neck that said “weight loss plan”. She explained, much like the girl before had, that she was a representative from the weight loss company, and that if he could catch her, he could keep her. Well, he dashed after her, and for 6 days tried to catch her. But to no avail, he drug his weary body back to bed the sixth night, perplexed and dumbfounded… that is, he was until he woke up the next morning and weight an entire 20 pounds less! He was so ecstatic that he immediately called the company up and told them that he wanted their 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. The woman on the line hesitated… “are you sure?”, she asked. He told her he was.

The next morning, he was awoken by a knocking at his door. When he answered it, he was greeted by a huge, muscular man wearing nothing but pink tennis shoes and a sign that had “weight loss plan” printed on it. He said… “I am your weight loss program, and if I catch you, your mine.”

That week, the man lost 62 pounds.

“Well, I really enjoyed watching all of those big men in tight clothes, but there is one thing that I found really confusing.”. At this, her boyfriend asks…

“What did you find confusing?”

“Well…” she continues…”In the beginning of the game they flipped a quarter to see who kicked off first. Then, all I heard through the whole rest of the game was ‘get the quarterback… get the quarterback‘. I was like… ‘gee, calm down… it’s just a quarter!”

Magic Mirror.

In this bar there was a mirror. The mirror was a magic mirror, and if you told a lie, it would suck you in. Well, one day, a brunette walked up to the mirror and said “I think I am the most beautiful girl in the world.” And the mirror sucked her in. Later, this redhead walked up to the mirror and said…”I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world.” And the mirror sucked her in as well. Then, a blond walked up to the mirror. She said “I think…” and then she got sucked in.

Questions and answers.

What is eternity? It is four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? To remind them that TOES GO IN FIRST!.

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? Well, you always hear about them, but never see them!

Why do blondes smile when lightning strikes? Because they think that their picture is being taken!

A Polish man takes the stupidity to a whole new level. After being out drinking with his friends, he wasn´t sure if he was too drunk to drive. So what did he do?

He drove to a police station and asked officers if he was too drunk to drive. The nearest station was too far for him to walk and so he decided to drive there.

Police officers did a breath test on him and found that he was over the drink drive limit. He was arrested for drink-driving and lost his driving license. Stupid right?

Get this disease free t-shirt, put it on and and that is it. Now everybody will now that you are single and disease free.

Few examples of funny t-shirts: